*Spoiler Alert: There is a lot of Bro Tears in this one…
So I’m back, and if we are going to pick up where I last left off then we have to go back to a far from peaceful time. So if you last remember where this Dentist train stopped, he was days away from leaving and already things didn’t seem to be going well including failed Valentine’s Day plans, a sort of fight/frustration airing and Kanye released his long awaited album.
So the day after Valentine’s Day, which for all you Canadians out there is Flag Day was what I believed would be the last time I’d ever see The Dentist. I didn’t buy into his whole wanting me to visit shtick yet was so upset about him leaving. I remember attempting to make plans with him after he was done work but he was not committing to anything. (Oh dear God I note the irony in typing that). I remember waiting around all night and actually dressing up half sensible (no Skype consultation required).
He finally showed up later in the evening and things were a little awkward; at least for me. We ended up curled up on the couch chatting. I hate that I loved to hold him. That so wasn’t me. That eventually lead to sex right there on the couch which I must say was the first time I’d ever done it in a room outside my bedroom in that apartment. Way to go for progress I guess?
The sex was pretty damn good but I almost enjoyed the post deed cuddling more. (Again…who the fuck was I?!) I had something to say to him and it was weighing on me quite a bit. I wanted to tell him that if we did indeed keep in touch like he wanted to and thinks went well, I would have no problem moving to be with him if that was something that was being talked about. I very much wanted to stress that I didn’t mean this would all happen next week, month, season or even year. I had to be sure and I’d have to have a job.
I feared he would think I was crazy for saying this so I was terrified to express my feelings. When I did, he quickly grabbed his clothes and ran out the door and that was the last I’d ever seen of him.
You know, if that actually were what happened it would have definitely hurt, but not nearly as bad as how it eventually played out. I actually thought of bending the truth here since this is the events in the way I tell them but again he ends up a scum…just a little later on.
No, he didn’t leave. He didn’t even say it was crazy. He pointed out that we would need to work visits in there too to see how things would go. Obviously. The D made me much more irrational than I normally am but I hadn’t completely lost my grip.
We talked about other things like how he felt he didn’t belong here and he missed his family. He said he could never “be with” someone who didn’t love theirs’s. I love mine so I was confused as to what this meant. He talked to me about having ambition and trying to make a change in my life because he said he believed in me and thought I was capable of great things. He said I could talk to him about anything.
My mom tried to get in touch with me several times during all of this but I ignored her, which made her think of a past conversation where the WB told her he thought I was suicidal so this caused her to panic.
In reality, I was just spending the last few minutes with the person I should have never gotten with but who made me happy…well except for the times he didn’t answer me and was probably making other bros happy…
When it came time for him to leave I walked him to his car. We sat in the Civic while it warmed up and made small talk. I was just trying to hold on to the last few moments that I had. An ADELE song was playing on the radio could not have been any more excruciatingly fitting. Finally, we kissed goodbye and I still actually find myself thinking about that from time to time. There aren’t too many kisses in my life that stand out but this was certainly one of them.
I got out of the car and I was actually OK. It didn’t hit me until after my shitty tutoring job the next night. I was walking home, but first making a pit stop to get chips and beer to drown my sorrows and clog my arteries. I had been listening to “The Sweetest Thing” by U2 which sounds innocent and poppy but is actually sad and depressing. I kept hearing “I’m losing you/ain’t that the sweetest thing?” and with that, I just started to uncontrollably cry.
I wrote The Dentist the longest text message ever (which is actually something coming from me; my messages aren’t always to the point…). It felt weird knowing he was still in the city but I couldn’t see him. So I drank alone and I cried.
The next day, I went to see Deadpool alone. I had no one to go with. People were either working or they weren’t my biggest fan because I had chosen not to accept The Wet Blanket’s stupid apologies which to them made me a bad guy. I went to the movie alone and I cried and cried. Yes, you read that right. I was trying to escape into a quick-witted mercenary but couldn’t get past the small love storyline and it made me cry. A lot. (Because of this, I didn’t really like Deadpool and because of this I want to take the opportunity to apologize to Ryan Reynolds. I know he was good, I know the movie was good…I just should have not seen it that day).
So I went to the movie and I was completely alone. I tried to make plans with friends (most who didn’t know why I needed them but they were not available. I couldn’t talk to my Mom because she didn’t know what was going on. I truly felt utterly alone. For three days I walked around the city and felt alone in a crowd; like I was invisible. I’d go out for a bit and then come home and cry. On the third day, I saw my aunt at my other part-time job and I automatically, without thinking latched onto her for a hug. It was the first human interaction I’d had in days and I needed it.
As of now, she still has no idea what was going on… but I so needed her to be in that place on that night.
Enough sadness for tonight. And again, to Ryan Reynolds himself, I’m sorry I didn’t like Deadpool. Please blame the asshole Dentist.