Putting On My Rose Colored Shades


The Dentist is moving and is being kind of shady but we’re watching The Simpsons and he’s sleeping over so I’ll just ignore the other stuff?

So if you remember how the last entry ended, The Dentist and I are on a date (or something), the waitress had just brought us beers and he casually drops a bombshell and says, “So I’m moving at the end of next month…”

My first instinct was to literally run away. Get up from the booth and run. Not the most rational and sensible thing to do so I didn’t. If my life were an animated television show it would have shown my brain getting up and running though and leaving my body just sitting there and waited for discounted nachos. The Dentist told me that an opportunity in his hometown had come up, and one that he couldn’t pass up. He said he missed his family and had intended to do this to be closer to his now ex (you know, that bro he kept cheating on…). He said that he had mentioned moving home to me before and in his defense, he did. One day while hanging out after banging, he said “I might move home one day…” the same way I say “I’m going to run for Prime Minister in the future…”.

So how do I react to this news? I just sit there and have almost zero response while inside I’m breaking down. Shit had hit the fan in my personal life but things were really going well with The Dentist. I was excited and happy to see where things would go and now they were going nowhere. He told me that he would miss me and that I could come visit. I didn’t get up and run but I sort of decided there that things needed to end. I didn’t want to fall for him more and then have him leave. I also realized though because I’m weak and can’t stick to my guns so I could foresee a moment of weakness where I text him after saying we shouldn’t any longer. I figured, either way, I was going to be sad so I might as well enjoy what time I had left with him.

We ate our nachos but all I could think about was how the universe clearly had it out for me. I have no scientific evidence or any real explanation as to why, but I have this strange belief or idea about alt-universes. I sort of believe in them; you know the same way people blindly follow religion even though it’s clearly not a thing…right? Maybe it is my love of superheroes, comic books, and Sci-Fi, but I often picture that in big moments of your life, a new timeline occurs somewhere else that presents the other alternative decision and how it played out. Somewhere else, I had had the balls to tell The Dentist that there was no point in seeing each other any longer and I’d have been much happier.

This happy alt-universe doesn’t have Sex and Pizza though so what happened next? We finished our nachos and went back to my place for some sex and Arrow. (Maybe that alt-universe blog is called that? And perhaps one entry details my affair with former Arrow star Colton Haynes?) WHY was this happening?! Hadn’t I been dealt a shitty enough deck?

In case you have been reading the past couple of entries and you only read it for the pizza and are a little outraged that there has been talk of sex and other food then to quote a lesser known but badass Rihanna song, “the wait is over”. The Dentist and I had talked about hanging on the weekend, having supper, some drinks and watching Jurassic Park. So for Friday, I made a pizza and invited The Dentist over for supper. I couldn’t get a straight answer from him though because plans with a group of friends came up, but I went out and got the stuff to make the pizza anyway. I mean, worst case scenario, I’d have a Friday night to myself, eat an entire pizza and drink beer.

I go most of the day without hearing from The Dentist which you know, really should have been a sign to me. I mean, he was hard to reach at times, ignores me for two weeks, and then is flakey with plans. Come on now… what WAS I thinking?

I can tell you what I was thinking about on that day, though; bacon. To be fair, I think about bacon a lot. So there was definitely bacon on that pizza I made. Also probably tomato and red pepper and copious amounts of cheese. The question was would I be eating alone? The answer… would… be… no. No, I would not.

The Dentist joined me for pizza. I cooked for him which is something I enjoy doing for people. Plus, given the fact that he is a dentist and I’m a deadbeat, I felt like cooking was something I could do to make a contribution to whatever it was we were doing. (I had thought I should pay for our Cinco De Mayo Wednesday outing but he did…thankfully since I ended up working even less than normal in January). So here I was, eating pizza with the bro I wanted to badly (and was moving…which I actually kind of forgot about for a bit…)

We sat there and ate pizza and watched reruns of The Simpsons which is an all-time favorite show of mine and one he also liked. This might sound utterly pathetic (to which I say I am…) but this was absolutely perfect. There may have even been some close quarters contact such as cuddling (which I generally hate because I see it as a moment of weakness but I also had come to really enjoy having him stay over at night.)

The forgetting about the moving thing didn’t last too long because we got on the subject of it again. Specifically, me visiting him. I had questioned how I would visit since I was a deadbeat and didn’t have any money. He said he would pay which was both awkward and nice to hear. This turned into a conversation about feeling inadequate at times due to the fact that he makes about thirty thousand dollars a day. (Uninformed, completely exaggerated estimation). Apparently, this was a source of contention in The Dentist’s previous relationship as well… I felt so bad for that guy with the super low paying job as a pharmacist….so bad.

After that chat and a few episodes of the longest-running American prime-time, scripted television show we did it. I think this was the time he banged his head off the wall while I was banging him. Physical comedy often kills me and this time was no different. Now sex with The Dentist was fun and funny which made it even better.

The perfect evening came to an end when he went to meet his friends. He said he might come back later but I didn’t hear from him that night. I stayed up for a while and waited too. Again. Should have been a sign.


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