Unwanted Toppings & Unwanted Feelings

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Onions and The Dentist

So it’s been a while since I have written a post and there has been quite a bit going on but I’m still stuck in the past at this point so we will eventually get to all of it. This past Monday was actually the one year anniversary of meeting The Dentist and as I have alluded to in several posts, it was not a reason to celebrate. It saw me being super pathetic and reaching out to him and getting no response. Nothing. As if I thought I’d get a response; I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.

Let’s go back to a happier time, though; last year though I still had no idea what I was doing, but I was doing it with an adorable dentist. I’ve already shared that I knew things were going to be complicated when I quickly developed an interest in more than the Dentist’s peach emoji. I started to like him as a person while also trying to forget that he already had a person who was probably very unsuspecting.

Our Wednesday hangs continued as did the pizza. After a few weeks of his car being broke down, The Dentist finally decided to get a loaner. He told me he would pick me up from the gym and we’d spend the evening together. As I previously mentioned, I would usually say I was going to the gym and “the library”; my academics may have been suffering but my physical and oral health certainly was not. I was hitting the gym hard in order to impress him and I was brushing my teeth 24/7. (OK that part isn’t true but I would make an effort to brush my teeth every time before seeing him).

I can’t believe I forgot to tell this story and was reminded of it when I made the joke about oral health. (Also did a quick scan through old blogs to see if I had told the story and forgot so my apologies if I did). During perhaps the first hang (if not definitely the second), I went on a rant about dentistry and how I haven’t been to see one in a few years because I’m so poor and can’t afford insurance. So after previously offering me free dental work, The Dentist proceeds to open my mouth and look around a bit. Turns out from this bed check-up, I was in good shape and seemed to have a strong set of teeth.

So it’s Wednesday and I’m going to see The Dentist. He pulls up to the gym in his crappy Civic that had broken down. Apparently, it was now fixed and he didn’t need a loaner. We had discussed pizza options earlier in the day and I was trying to be uber agreeable and easy to get along with so I was all like “Oh I don’t care.” If you know me, you know that I definitely had an opinion. He suggested Domino’s because they had a super cheap deal on; 50% off any pizza I think. (You know, because he was really struggling with money).

We had previously discussed toppings that we agreed on and I expressed my extreme distaste of onions. Low and behold he decides to order a similar version of the pizza we had from Pizza Hut a couple of weeks ago, complete with onions. This becomes a playful little argument where he says he feels bad and asks if I want something else. I picked off the onion since this is actually something I am accustomed to. He joked that he would now not make any executive decisions regarding pizza anymore.

It was during this meal when it hit me. He was over sitting in his chair and I was on the couch. We were sat around the TV and he sticks on Family Feud. He was talking about how funny Steve Harvey’s reactions to people’s stupid answers were. This struck me very hard. This guy who was a cheater and a rich young dentist liked something very simple and something I liked. This wasn’t the first thing we had in common (obviously) but I guess this was the tipping point or something? It was during this meal as I sat there talking to him over some take-out cheap pizza that I knew for sure I had fallen for him.

This memory is actually etched in my mind and as I write this is so vivid that it kind of freaks me out a bit and makes me feel very sad. If I was The Flash and could run back through time you bet your ass I’d have gone back there and hauled my LoveStoned ass out of there.

I guess the thing was that he began to seem normal to me. The idea of being with someone who had someone and the fact that he had such an established job and was younger than me while I was just a deadbeat was hard for me to grasp. I don’t like myself that much so the fact that this person who was much more interesting than I was into me was very strange.

And I was falling for him hard.

Falling so hard that I don’t even remember the sex from that night but I do remember watching Modern Family. I know I have been talking very fondly about someone who is going to eventually rip my heart out and leave me feeling like shit for months but one thing I can say about The Dentist was that he wasn’t always the sharpest tool in the shed, or at least the most informed tool. During the episode, we were watching the father was complaining about how his wife was decorating for the holidays in her tradition and he said it “was like Cinco De Mayo over there.” This killed me but The Dentist didn’t know what Cinco was and I had to explain it to him.

Even giving myself points for being more pop culturally informed than him isn’t erasing that memory of him sitting in that chair with his adorable little mock neck sweater. Remember how I said I was getting into this because I didn’t want to feel anything for someone, I just wanted to bang them. So now here I am sitting on some guy’s couch, eating pizza and watching fun shows. I didn’t want those onions and I certainly didn’t want these feelings.

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