Interlude: ASSembling a Universe


I wanted to call this entry “Building a Universe” but I kept singing “Building a Mystery” by Canadian treasure Sarah McLachlan and chose to use the word “assemble” instead for the pun about getting some ass and also throwing a nod to The Avengers and the successful cinematic universe that Disney and Marvel have created.

Cinematic universes are all the rage these days in the superhero film genre. As I mentioned, Marvel has without a doubt found the most success with their Avengers Universe and most recently, Warner Bros and DC have had a shaky start with theirs. Sony also tried to create a Spider-Man cinematic universe within The Amazing Spider-Man 2 by introducing new characters and planting several seeds for future installments in the franchise. We had Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Gwen Stacy, Electro, Rhino, Harry Osborn/The Green Goblin, there was a character named Felicia who was almost Felicia Hardy aka Black Cat and Mary Jane Watson (who got taken out of the script). I figure with my eleventh post it is time to introduce some new characters and say goodbye (unfortunately) to other ones and expand the Sex and Pizza universe. Sony wasn’t as successful as they wanted to be and The Amazing Spider-Man franchise died so hopefully lightning doesn’t strike twice and my attempt is actually what kills this blog!

So when we last left our hero bro or “herbro”, yours I was feeling on top of the world after another successful hang with The Kid and pizza frittatas and felt it was time to finally tell someone. I had asked The Kid if it would be OK as he had told some people about me and he said it was. I remember making some joke about it wasn’t like I wanted him to wear my Letterman jacket but I didn’t want to tell anyone I was dating someone and then be like “LOL JK.” When it abruptly ended. I had the opportunity to tell my friend Dave (he has a name now! Sex and Pizza Universe Character Count +1 or SaPUCC for short) at Thanksgiving but I didn’t. So, one night I was texting with my friend Larissa (SaPUCC +2!) who is an aspiring sculptress (she isn’t; this is just an inside joke to amuse her, I hope she is smiling right now as she knows who she is and how important she is to me).

Anyway, it sort of for lack of a better term “came out” which is a phrase I’m going to try really hard not to use because it just really bugs me.  She started telling me how she was crushing on someone and was going to go on a date and I told her I was also sort of dating someone. I said, and that it was kind of a dude, and by “kind of”; it totally was. With that, she immediately called me but I didn’t answer because I was hanging with Dave, the Wet Blanket and my friend Janet. Larissa immediately started asking questions and said she would talk to me later. (She called me the next day for the urgent party deets).

So I tell someone about The Kid, I told The Kid about it and he was all “happy” for me which I hate when people say that but whatever. Anyway, in the previous post I mentioned his roommate would be out of town for the week but that wasn’t for another few days. I met him at the gym a few days later and wanted to make supper plans with him but we didn’t have a place to do it since we both had roommates that were home. We were having a federal election on this day and I wanted nothing more than to sit back and have a few beer while watching the results with him…but again…roommates. I had no idea that this was the last time I’d see him and our relationship be the way that it was despite the roommate being gone. He did suggest the next night but I said I had to work until 8, I still think about how stupid it was to say that…I could have eaten a late supper for once.

He was convocating with his degree that upcoming weekend and I had decided it was time to make this thing a bit more real and I asked him if he wanted to go out for pizza to celebrate that Sunday. Vague plans were made; it was something of a real date…a “coming out party” (shit I used it again…) if you will for our “relationship” as it would have been the first time we went out together in public. Strangely enough, though, he sort of started dodging me. I finally asked if we were going to go for pizza and he said something about having had pizza with his family two days before and that he had a lot of school work to do. The not wanting pizza seemed so foreign to me but I understood the school work because from what he said, his Masters work seemed to take up a lot of time.  He suggested plans the next night but then again was MIA. This would continue on again for the next week or so.

The dodging continued on for another while and I did not get to reap any of the benefits of The Kid’s roommate being away for the week. He did make plans though for the upcoming week, in which he would be housesitting in a place that had a fantastic kitchen (allegedly; I’ll never know since I never got to see the kitchen in question) where we could cook a meal and bang. One night I used the word “dodging” to him and I got this long spiel about how things were moving in a direction that he didn’t like and that we should probably stop because he didn’t like feeling bad about canceling plans with me and that I was looking for something he wasn’t and that I should go back on the Dino tracking app.

This devastated me and I do this thing that I always do in which I go a little crazy and get very wordy and write these long messages trying to clarify where I’m coming from and sort of I don’t know negotiate or make myself seem more desirable or something. I didn’t sleep that night and I wrote him and told him exactly how I felt about the crushing on him and enjoying spending time and all the things I’ve already told you readers about. I told Larissa that night about what was happening and we were texting late into the night (it helps that she lives on the other side of the country so only one of us were up late…).

The next day, a few big things happened. I told my friend Jeanie (but I’ll save that for another post) and The Kid wrote me back almost twenty-four hours later saying that I had written him a lot of information to process and that he needed to take a break and that he would text me later in the week. Six days went by and I still didn’t hear from him. Every text and SnapChat notification I received I wanted it to be him, but it wasn’t. So, I caved and wrote him. The conversation was a little awkward at first but we ended up bantering again and discussing the new Missy Elliott song.

We talked a bit the next day and I was sort of broaching the topic of making plans but he was busy. Truth be told I should have been busy as well because I had a big term project I had planned to work on that night. Meanwhile, on the way home I started looking through a different Dino tracking instrument (a website this time). I was avoiding the app for fear of seeing The Kid on there. I came across a very appealing looking headless torso (and less hairy than that of The Kid’s) belonging to someone of a much more acceptable younger age than me so I sent him a message (SaPUCC+3…).

Meanwhile, that night I wrote The Kid and sort of suggested a booty call sans pizza (much like this post) and sans feelings but he didn’t answer. I sort made up a lame excuse about being buzzed the next morning and he said it was a bit weird. I tried to say that we started out as Bang Bros so why not go back to that… that is when I got what at the time was the worst text message I’d ever gotten (but maybe has been downgraded to second or third worst depending if we count picture messages as a text…).

Keeping in mind despite the banter and his intelligence The Kid was well, a kid. His message basically said, “TBH I’m kinda maybe sorta over it…nothing personal.” Great. Except the “it” in that sentence was me…so yeah…it was personal. Needless to say, I was again devastated and began writing long essays to fix the situation (I should learn to save the essays for Sex and Pizza and not bombard the bros I have feelings for with them…). I said I didn’t want this to end and if it was going to I’d like to have one last hang; I didn’t want to have any ill feelings towards him because he helped me get through one of the worst times of my life. I wouldn’t hear from him for four days when he responded with something like “I was at the gym when I got this and couldn’t deal…yeah, we can hang but we shouldn’t have sex…” AND WHY THE HELL NOT?! It wasn’t the sex that made me have the feels…it was the banter and the hangs and the sleepover.

I’d like to say that I was like Beyoncé in the video for “Irreplaceable” and walked on out this thing with The Kid but I didn’t. He would continue to haunt me for a couple of months because I felt so blindsided. He said we would have a final hang but we didn’t.

That didn’t matter too much though because I now had my own sort of cinematic universe emerging. I now had Larissa for support as well as Jeanie. They would continue to be there for me in the coming months when things would get much, much worse. It was nice to finally have someone to talk to about what was going on and what I was feeling.

So, remember that less hairy and older torso from the less popular Dino site that I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Well, since I started this post talking about Spider-Man I’ll change up the title of an old PlayStation game called Spider-Man 2: Enter Electro and leave you with a little teaser like they do in the movies… a mid-credits scene if you will:

Enter the dentist….


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